9S feels the heat rise to his cheeks when Rita wraps an arm around his and calls him something that really matters. He knew that, of course, but to actually hear it is a completely different matter.
"Uh," he says eloquently, his thoughts briefly derailed by the sensation of Rita's arm.
But the sight of the other Rita awkwardly standing there brings back his focus, though not before the tiny thought of having two Ritas pops into his head. He quickly dismisses that thought, though.
Gently placing a hand on hers, he says, "You know it won't stay that way, right? You'll change."
The feeling of his hand on hers is a welcome one, and Rita responds by giving his arm a small squeeze. It feels natural to be close to him like this...
"What do you mean?" she asks, watching his face carefully. This Rita might not care much about what others think, but fortunately for 9S, he happens to be the one exception to that. Whatever he’s thinking, even if she might not agree, she can trust that he really is thinking of her.
9S gives her a gentle smile. "You and me... we're different people from when we first met. Everything we've gone through with the Carnival changed us."
His wide-eyed optimism, his joy at being able to live among humans... all crushed by the knowledge 2B brought back with her. Rita had always been there for him, but she had changed, too. She still tries to hide it, but he gets the impression she's softened up around the others, not just him.
"Even if you're everything you want to be now, it won't stay that way. Something will happen and we'll both change because of it."
Knowing the Carnival, their path ahead will be fraught with even more danger. They might even lose someone one day.
"But the point is we're here for each other." He squeezes her hand. "Pain, joy, we'll share them together."
Rita leans into his shoulder as she listens, closing her eyes as she reflects on his words. Her pulse quickens as he squeezes her hand.
"Sometimes I wish we wouldn't. Change, I mean. I wish we could stay like this forever..." She opens her eyes and stares down at their hands. "But... maybe you're right." They will change, one way or another. Rita can't deny how much she's changed in the past year. If her old self could see her now, would she even recognize her?
Slowly, she glances away, turning her head just enough to watch the other Rita through the corner of her eye. "Even if I throw away all my doubts now, I'll just end up with new doubts somewhere down the line... right?"
9S follows the direction of Rita's gaze and nods. "Right."
When he thought about the future after the revelation from 2B, it seemed so uncertain. Even now, knowing that he's never going back to Earth or the Bunker and that he'll be going to Rita's world, the future still seems so uncertain. Before he came to the Carnival, he'd always held the steadfast belief that the androids would win the war against the machines and a new age of peace would be ushered in.
Sometimes he wish he could have that optimism back.
He doesn't know what the future will be like with Rita, only that it will be with her. He doesn't know what her friends are like, what the people are like. It's hard, not being certain of anything. But while he's with Rita, he knows he'll have the strength to endure anything.
Leaning down, he brushes a light kiss against her cheek. "But you'll overcome them with your own strength."
Not some magical effect that's extracting them out of her.
Rita accepts the kiss, takes a moment to reflect on his words... then sighs. "It's hard to argue with you when you say stuff like that." Slowly, she releases her hold on his arm and pulls herself away, then turns to face the other Rita.
"And you? What do you want to do?" she calls to her.
The yukata-clad Rita gives a small jolt, seemingly surprised at the question. She flounders for a moment, unsure of what to say, then takes a step closer and answers, "I... I want us to go back to normal. I want to feel like me again. And that ideal future you're working for... I want to be part of it, too." She knows it's a selfish desire, when all she'll do is get in the way. But it's what she truly wants, despite it all.
9S lets out a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his head, suddenly feeling a little self conscious. It's still almost unreal that Rita puts so much stock in what he says, as if they're equals. He knows that it's what she considers him to be... it's just. Hard. Hard for an android like him to be the same as a human like her.
He looks on, giving an encouraging nod to the Rita wearing the yukata; she's the one full of uncertainty. "I want you around, too."
What's he going to do with two Ritas, though? Not that he minds, but...
At 9S's words, the uncertain Rita's face lights up in an almost childlike smile, brimming with relief and joy. "Really?" She might not possess the kind of romantic love for 9S that her counterpart does, but that validation means a lot to her.
The other Rita happens to find that reaction embarrassing, and with an annoyed sigh, she hurries things along with, "What are you waiting for? We need to figure out how to rejoin, so get over here before I change my mind."
With an eager nod, the yukata-clad Rita jogs over to join the other two in the middle of the room. Though their respective auras were subtle until now, they become much more apparent as the two of them stand before one another, one with an almost radiant glow, and the other with a shadowy essence, despite the hopeful look on her face. In fact, their auras seem to grow more vivid by the second.
"This resonance..." The casual-dressed Rita's eyes widen, then her expression relaxes, as if in comprehension. "I see. Maybe it really is this easy." She reaches out, takes the other Rita's hand, and pulls her close, almost as if initiating a dance.
In that moment, the two auras collide and intensify to the point that neither Rita can be clearly seen. There's a swirl of darkness, a flash of light... and in the end, there's only one Rita standing where there once were two. She wears the casual clothes her Light side had been wearing, while the pink yukata simply crumples to the floor. She's disoriented at first, and stumbles back a step.
9S raises his hand to shield his eyes against the flash of light, only lowering it when the light fades. But the moment he sees Rita stumble, 9S is by her side to support her. "Rita!"
He can't help but smile in relief; the fact there's only one Rita means it worked, right? Rita is hale and whole again, imperfections and all.
Almost instinctively, his hand reaches for hers. "How do you feel?"
Rita leans into 9S as she steadies her feet. If it were anyone else, she'd immediately pull away, but since it's 9S... it's not so bad, being this close to him, so she'll stay where she is.
She stares down at her hands in wonder, as if confirming there is indeed only one set of them, as he reaches out to take one. The gesture brings a small smile to her face.
"I feel... normal, I guess. But also kind of weird. It's like I've got two different sets of memories from the past day or so." She seems to be mulling something over, trying to make sense of everything in her head.
9S can't help but think aloud. "I wonder if the same thing would happen if there were multiple of my model walking around...?"
Maybe it would be weird, but if they deployed more models at once YoRHa could have covered more ground and progressed their war more quickly. Or were the multiple memories too difficult to reconcile and retain a sense of self? He almost wants to try, but YoRHa isn't part of his future any more so that's a thought process not worth pursuing.
Speaking of future...
9S rubs small circles on Rita's hand with his thumb. "Both of your halves reflected your feelings, right? But one of them was nervous and jumpy..." Handholding was something they readily fell into. To see 'Rita' pull away from it earlier had been a clear sign something had been off. "Are you worried about us?"
Multiple 9Ses...? Knowing that his bodies are effectively mass-produced, it's not completely out of the realm of possibility... but it's definitely easier for Rita, having just one of him around. Maybe he feels the same about her.
"Huh...?" That question seems to catch Rita off guard. "No--I mean, I don't think so..." Well, now she's thinking about it.
"I worry about lots of things. I've never been in a serious relationship before, so maybe there is a part of me that still... doesn't know what I want, or doesn't know how to proceed. That kind of thing." Was that it...? The fact that her dark half was full of uncertainties only makes it harder to figure out what (other than everything) she was so uncertain about.
"...You don't have to worry, though. If my light side was made up of all the parts of me that I wanted to keep, then it must mean something that she held on to... you know, the way I feel about you."
In the Athenaeum, he'd read about the memories of 2B and the first 9S. They hadn't seemed very close... But that had changed, hadn't it? Even though he doesn't remember any of the previous 9Ses, maybe... maybe there's some kind of quality to being alive that persists outside of the body.
Because somehow, not long after his first time meeting 2B, he knew that he would die for her. It made no logical sense for him to feel that way, not unless he knew her without knowing it becuase it was important to all the 9Ses before him.
(Is that what it means to have a soul?)
And maybe... maybe no matter what happens to Rita, no matter how she might change, she'll always feel the way she does about him. A feeling that persists beyong what is logical. Some kind of emotion he can't quite identify bubbles within him, his throat feeling tight.
"I'm glad," he murmurs, the words hard to force out of his mouth through the wall of emotion.
But there's a smile on his lips, his heart -- or at least, his fascimile of one -- light. Even in face of everything they'd been through together, a small part of him still thinks he's not worthy. She could discard him and it would be within her right to. But she won't and, and...
"Thank you, Rita." He leans forward to place a small kiss on her cheek. "For choosing me."
The touch of his lips on her cheek brings a small smile to Rita's face. Sharing a light kiss now and then is hardly a rare event between them these days, but there's still something about it that makes her heart flutter.
"I could say the same to you," she says, closing her eyes, as if to savor the moment. "Choosing to leave your old life behind... even considering the circumstances, it can't be easy. But I'm glad. Growing up, I've always been alone, and over time, some part of me started thinking that was how it'd always be. So what I'm saying is... thanks, for helping me change that."
A red tinge creeps into her complexion as she seems to grow self-aware of how sincere she's trying to be, and how weird it feels to actually say those kinds of things out loud. It's something she's still getting used to, but with 9S, it's somehow easier.
"I don't want you to regret that choice... and I don't ever want to leave you alone, the way I was," she continues, slipping her arms around him and easing into an embrace.
Growing up alone... his lifespan can't compare to Rita's, but he can understand it. From the very beginning, the moment of his 'birth', he'd been alone with only 21O at the end of a communications channel.
Things have changed. When he's with Rita, it feels like he can do anything.
9S leans into the embrace, hugging her back. Of course, they both know it will only be a matter of time before Rita's life will come to an end. And... despite their conversation not so long ago, he still doesn't know what he will do after that. But there'll always be a part of her with him all the time, so long as he keeps his memories.
"I'll never regret it," he says firmly. "Even when things are hard, I'll never regret being with you. Our time together... those are my most precious memories."
Rita stays like that, focusing on his warmth and his words. She believes him. But still...
"Maybe there's another way..." she murmurs thoughtfully. It's been on her mind for a while. She doesn't want to leave 9S alone, but she doesn't want him to shorten his life either. But with the fae, they have access to tools and powers far beyond what would normally be at their disposal. Maybe they could make a 'miracle' happen...
Pulling away from the embrace at last, Rita shakes her head, as if to dismiss that thought for now. "...I'll try to figure something out," is all she offers by way of clarification. And without delay, she changes the subject. "You know... I can afford to take some time away from my work. Maybe we should... I don't know, go out and do something." Like a date.
Hmm... He wanted to tell her it's okay, it's normal for humans to have a microscopic lifespan in comparison to an android's potential one, and that he's okay with that (except, not really). But the words are completely lost when Rita dangles a distraction right in front of him.
And of course he takes the bait, expression brightening as he pulls away. "Oh! I know!"
He already had an idea burning a hole in one of his memory units, though he doesn't know if Rita would like it.
"We could go to one of the bathouses together! With so many different kinds out there, I'm sure there's one for couples!"
He says nothing of the fact this idea was Lambert's (teasing) suggestion.
It's not a logical reaction, and she knows it. She's willing to seriously consider spending the rest of her life with 9S, but still gets all flustered over the idea of being naked around him? That's stupid, isn't it?
"M, maybe... we can go see what they have," she manages to stammer out.
Well, she didn't seem totally opposed to it, so that's already a better result than he had been expecting.
9S can't help but laugh as he leans over to take her hand. "Your face is turning red," he teases.
He casts his mind back to some of the old world data he'd consumed back when he was bored while waiting for his next mission. Too bad the androids weren't always able to separate fact from fiction...
"Maybe I could wash your wings? It must be hard for you to reach them properly."
Huh. Of course, the question most readily on his tongue is why don't they talk about that? It seems like it would be important?
But that question is quickly replaced by another thought.
"You're leaving everything behind? Wow. That is pretty serious."
Even knowing what he did about YoRHa, it had still been so hard to even consider leaving it all behind. Even knowing that he would die if he went back to Earth, the decision to turn away from it all had been a near visceral agony, as if someone were forcibly ripping out his black box from his chest.
The thought of bringing Rita to Earth never once entered his mind.
But from his understanding... "Wouldn't you miss it? Your home."
"What's there to miss?" Lambert snorts. "Hunting monsters in swamps? Getting cheated out of money? Knowing the closest thing I have to home is a castle that's got more holes than it does a roof?"
He shrugs, leaning back against the edge of the bath.
"Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I think it'll be easy. I just want to go more than I want to stay. That's all there is to it."
9S' gaze dips to the water's surface as he stretches out his legs. Well, those things do sound kind of lousy. The hunting monsters bit could be fun and maybe even the swamp bit, depending on whether swamps are less annoying than deserts. It's hard to top the way sand gets into everything...
But...
"Yeah, I get it." A brighter future awaits. 9S grins, his cat ears perking up. "So, has Childermass told you much about his world? What are you looking forward to?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
For Rita
Date: 2018-10-02 02:36 pm (UTC)9S feels the heat rise to his cheeks when Rita wraps an arm around his and calls him something that really matters. He knew that, of course, but to actually hear it is a completely different matter.
"Uh," he says eloquently, his thoughts briefly derailed by the sensation of Rita's arm.
But the sight of the other Rita awkwardly standing there brings back his focus, though not before the tiny thought of having two Ritas pops into his head. He quickly dismisses that thought, though.
Gently placing a hand on hers, he says, "You know it won't stay that way, right? You'll change."
no subject
Date: 2018-10-05 08:56 am (UTC)"What do you mean?" she asks, watching his face carefully. This Rita might not care much about what others think, but fortunately for 9S, he happens to be the one exception to that. Whatever he’s thinking, even if she might not agree, she can trust that he really is thinking of her.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-09 02:10 pm (UTC)His wide-eyed optimism, his joy at being able to live among humans... all crushed by the knowledge 2B brought back with her. Rita had always been there for him, but she had changed, too. She still tries to hide it, but he gets the impression she's softened up around the others, not just him.
"Even if you're everything you want to be now, it won't stay that way. Something will happen and we'll both change because of it."
Knowing the Carnival, their path ahead will be fraught with even more danger. They might even lose someone one day.
"But the point is we're here for each other." He squeezes her hand. "Pain, joy, we'll share them together."
no subject
Date: 2018-10-12 05:52 pm (UTC)"Sometimes I wish we wouldn't. Change, I mean. I wish we could stay like this forever..." She opens her eyes and stares down at their hands. "But... maybe you're right." They will change, one way or another. Rita can't deny how much she's changed in the past year. If her old self could see her now, would she even recognize her?
Slowly, she glances away, turning her head just enough to watch the other Rita through the corner of her eye. "Even if I throw away all my doubts now, I'll just end up with new doubts somewhere down the line... right?"
no subject
Date: 2018-10-14 08:03 am (UTC)When he thought about the future after the revelation from 2B, it seemed so uncertain. Even now, knowing that he's never going back to Earth or the Bunker and that he'll be going to Rita's world, the future still seems so uncertain. Before he came to the Carnival, he'd always held the steadfast belief that the androids would win the war against the machines and a new age of peace would be ushered in.
Sometimes he wish he could have that optimism back.
He doesn't know what the future will be like with Rita, only that it will be with her. He doesn't know what her friends are like, what the people are like. It's hard, not being certain of anything. But while he's with Rita, he knows he'll have the strength to endure anything.
Leaning down, he brushes a light kiss against her cheek. "But you'll overcome them with your own strength."
Not some magical effect that's extracting them out of her.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-16 07:36 pm (UTC)"And you? What do you want to do?" she calls to her.
The yukata-clad Rita gives a small jolt, seemingly surprised at the question. She flounders for a moment, unsure of what to say, then takes a step closer and answers, "I... I want us to go back to normal. I want to feel like me again. And that ideal future you're working for... I want to be part of it, too." She knows it's a selfish desire, when all she'll do is get in the way. But it's what she truly wants, despite it all.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-20 12:15 pm (UTC)He looks on, giving an encouraging nod to the Rita wearing the yukata; she's the one full of uncertainty. "I want you around, too."
What's he going to do with two Ritas, though? Not that he minds, but...
no subject
Date: 2018-10-21 08:09 pm (UTC)The other Rita happens to find that reaction embarrassing, and with an annoyed sigh, she hurries things along with, "What are you waiting for? We need to figure out how to rejoin, so get over here before I change my mind."
With an eager nod, the yukata-clad Rita jogs over to join the other two in the middle of the room. Though their respective auras were subtle until now, they become much more apparent as the two of them stand before one another, one with an almost radiant glow, and the other with a shadowy essence, despite the hopeful look on her face. In fact, their auras seem to grow more vivid by the second.
"This resonance..." The casual-dressed Rita's eyes widen, then her expression relaxes, as if in comprehension. "I see. Maybe it really is this easy." She reaches out, takes the other Rita's hand, and pulls her close, almost as if initiating a dance.
In that moment, the two auras collide and intensify to the point that neither Rita can be clearly seen. There's a swirl of darkness, a flash of light... and in the end, there's only one Rita standing where there once were two. She wears the casual clothes her Light side had been wearing, while the pink yukata simply crumples to the floor. She's disoriented at first, and stumbles back a step.
a reply a million years later. . .
Date: 2018-11-08 12:20 pm (UTC)He can't help but smile in relief; the fact there's only one Rita means it worked, right? Rita is hale and whole again, imperfections and all.
Almost instinctively, his hand reaches for hers. "How do you feel?"
no subject
Date: 2018-11-10 10:15 pm (UTC)She stares down at her hands in wonder, as if confirming there is indeed only one set of them, as he reaches out to take one. The gesture brings a small smile to her face.
"I feel... normal, I guess. But also kind of weird. It's like I've got two different sets of memories from the past day or so." She seems to be mulling something over, trying to make sense of everything in her head.
no subject
Date: 2018-11-18 12:39 pm (UTC)Maybe it would be weird, but if they deployed more models at once YoRHa could have covered more ground and progressed their war more quickly. Or were the multiple memories too difficult to reconcile and retain a sense of self? He almost wants to try, but YoRHa isn't part of his future any more so that's a thought process not worth pursuing.
Speaking of future...
9S rubs small circles on Rita's hand with his thumb. "Both of your halves reflected your feelings, right? But one of them was nervous and jumpy..." Handholding was something they readily fell into. To see 'Rita' pull away from it earlier had been a clear sign something had been off. "Are you worried about us?"
no subject
Date: 2018-11-22 03:46 am (UTC)"Huh...?" That question seems to catch Rita off guard. "No--I mean, I don't think so..." Well, now she's thinking about it.
"I worry about lots of things. I've never been in a serious relationship before, so maybe there is a part of me that still... doesn't know what I want, or doesn't know how to proceed. That kind of thing." Was that it...? The fact that her dark half was full of uncertainties only makes it harder to figure out what (other than everything) she was so uncertain about.
"...You don't have to worry, though. If my light side was made up of all the parts of me that I wanted to keep, then it must mean something that she held on to... you know, the way I feel about you."
no subject
Date: 2018-12-16 08:12 am (UTC)Because somehow, not long after his first time meeting 2B, he knew that he would die for her. It made no logical sense for him to feel that way, not unless he knew her without knowing it becuase it was important to all the 9Ses before him.
(Is that what it means to have a soul?)
And maybe... maybe no matter what happens to Rita, no matter how she might change, she'll always feel the way she does about him. A feeling that persists beyong what is logical. Some kind of emotion he can't quite identify bubbles within him, his throat feeling tight.
"I'm glad," he murmurs, the words hard to force out of his mouth through the wall of emotion.
But there's a smile on his lips, his heart -- or at least, his fascimile of one -- light. Even in face of everything they'd been through together, a small part of him still thinks he's not worthy. She could discard him and it would be within her right to. But she won't and, and...
"Thank you, Rita." He leans forward to place a small kiss on her cheek. "For choosing me."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 05:25 am (UTC)"I could say the same to you," she says, closing her eyes, as if to savor the moment. "Choosing to leave your old life behind... even considering the circumstances, it can't be easy. But I'm glad. Growing up, I've always been alone, and over time, some part of me started thinking that was how it'd always be. So what I'm saying is... thanks, for helping me change that."
A red tinge creeps into her complexion as she seems to grow self-aware of how sincere she's trying to be, and how weird it feels to actually say those kinds of things out loud. It's something she's still getting used to, but with 9S, it's somehow easier.
"I don't want you to regret that choice... and I don't ever want to leave you alone, the way I was," she continues, slipping her arms around him and easing into an embrace.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-14 12:33 pm (UTC)Things have changed. When he's with Rita, it feels like he can do anything.
9S leans into the embrace, hugging her back. Of course, they both know it will only be a matter of time before Rita's life will come to an end. And... despite their conversation not so long ago, he still doesn't know what he will do after that. But there'll always be a part of her with him all the time, so long as he keeps his memories.
"I'll never regret it," he says firmly. "Even when things are hard, I'll never regret being with you. Our time together... those are my most precious memories."
no subject
Date: 2019-03-05 08:17 am (UTC)"Maybe there's another way..." she murmurs thoughtfully. It's been on her mind for a while. She doesn't want to leave 9S alone, but she doesn't want him to shorten his life either. But with the fae, they have access to tools and powers far beyond what would normally be at their disposal. Maybe they could make a 'miracle' happen...
Pulling away from the embrace at last, Rita shakes her head, as if to dismiss that thought for now. "...I'll try to figure something out," is all she offers by way of clarification. And without delay, she changes the subject. "You know... I can afford to take some time away from my work. Maybe we should... I don't know, go out and do something." Like a date.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-07 10:49 am (UTC)And of course he takes the bait, expression brightening as he pulls away. "Oh! I know!"
He already had an idea burning a hole in one of his memory units, though he doesn't know if Rita would like it.
"We could go to one of the bathouses together! With so many different kinds out there, I'm sure there's one for couples!"
He says nothing of the fact this idea was Lambert's (teasing) suggestion.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-13 10:33 pm (UTC)Rita's face quickly turns bright pink.
It's not a logical reaction, and she knows it. She's willing to seriously consider spending the rest of her life with 9S, but still gets all flustered over the idea of being naked around him? That's stupid, isn't it?
"M, maybe... we can go see what they have," she manages to stammer out.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-15 01:21 pm (UTC)9S can't help but laugh as he leans over to take her hand. "Your face is turning red," he teases.
He casts his mind back to some of the old world data he'd consumed back when he was bored while waiting for his next mission. Too bad the androids weren't always able to separate fact from fiction...
"Maybe I could wash your wings? It must be hard for you to reach them properly."
For Lambert
Date: 2018-10-02 02:48 pm (UTC)Huh. Of course, the question most readily on his tongue is why don't they talk about that? It seems like it would be important?
But that question is quickly replaced by another thought.
"You're leaving everything behind? Wow. That is pretty serious."
Even knowing what he did about YoRHa, it had still been so hard to even consider leaving it all behind. Even knowing that he would die if he went back to Earth, the decision to turn away from it all had been a near visceral agony, as if someone were forcibly ripping out his black box from his chest.
The thought of bringing Rita to Earth never once entered his mind.
But from his understanding... "Wouldn't you miss it? Your home."
responds after a million years
Date: 2018-10-31 05:22 am (UTC)He shrugs, leaning back against the edge of the bath.
"Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I think it'll be easy. I just want to go more than I want to stay. That's all there is to it."
no subject
Date: 2018-11-08 12:37 pm (UTC)But...
"Yeah, I get it." A brighter future awaits. 9S grins, his cat ears perking up. "So, has Childermass told you much about his world? What are you looking forward to?"
Pls slake his curiosity!!